GROWN UPS 2

Cole's Rating: BOMB

Director: Dennis Dugan
Year: 2013
Cast: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade
Genre: Comedy
MPAA Rating: PG-13

        Just recently, Adam Sandler decided to “expand” upon his career with the sequel to Grown Ups, a movie I enjoyed, despite the fact that it wasn’t a great film. He follows up Bedtime Stories, Just Go With It, Jack and Jill, and That’s My Boy, a few of his latest movies that happen to be just awful, with a movie that’s even worse than The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. Woah! I never thought I’d be saying that within a year of film production. But all things considered—including the above mentioned list of films that provoke laughs at their very title—I can’t say that I’m surprised. He’s fallen a long way since 50 First Dates and The Wedding Singer, and so have his usual cameos and distasteful crude humor that have ruined so many of his movies and qualify as “usual Sandler material”... But not this one. No, actually, those factors only contributed. The very idea of a sequel to a movie that had nowhere to go from, like Grown Ups, shot itself in the head. Why can’t we just leave good movies alone? 

        That’s the question I asked—but actually, it went more like this: why am I sitting here right now, in theaters? I’d much rather spend (not waste) my time watching a movie in limited release, but I guess I could thank the theater that I sat in cracking up at deer urine, fake poop, bad acting, and most of all, another Happy Madison Production, for the cause of these movies to keep getting made. Around this point in the review is when I’d be talking about the plot of the movie, and what goes on. I wouldn’t be able to give a plot summary (there wasn’t one; it was just a compilation of gag scenes), but I can disclose what goes on: crude humor too inappropriate for kids, and atrocious attempts at humor that try too hard for adults, so hard to the point where I wanted to tell them to take a break, grab a Snickers bar, and take an Aleve. So who’s this for? Well, it’s for under-demanding teenage moviegoers, or maybe even some adults (let’s hope not). Or maybe it’s for the cast’s paycheck, there wasn’t much passion here. After all, I did spend seven bucks on my ticket.

        And when the copy of Grown Ups 2 hits Best Buy, it’ll be twenty bucks or more. Just recently, Redbox upped their prices to a buck and twenty cents per day for a movie. And on Blu-Ray, it’ll be a buck and fifty cents. Xfinity On Demand: five bucks, or six if you want it on HD. My television at home only plays HD well, and I don’t believe I’m alone. My point is, people are getting payed for this garbage. I saw that it had 5% critical recommendation on Rotten Tomatoes, and I knew what I was going into, but hey, I went there for laughs and a good time with my family. I got both of those things, but in the form of mockery at how horrible Grown Ups 2 was, and is, and always will be. Don’t give in and drop cash to see it in any form. Stay far away from it, quite frankly. It may make you never want to watch a movie again, so don't be surprised if you never hear from me after this.

        Oh, and I almost forgot. Taylor Lautner, go home.

-Written by Cole Pollyea